Tuesday, November 22, 2011

How I got myself out of a depressive state PT. 1

I have a confession.

Recently, maybe a few months ago, I realized how unhappy I was. I realized that I was going through life...not living it. Can you imagine? Imagine going through life not enjoying the sunshine, the happy moments, the good times. I had realized that I stopped being happy for myself and started to seek happiness in material things and in people...which is definitely how you aren't supposed to seek happiness. It got so bad that my best friend said that he started to see a total change in my attitude towards life (I'm typically very optimistic) and in my demeanor. I hadn't noticed because it was starting to become a part of me. But I woke up one day and realized that I truly was different...and not for the better. I noticed I stopped talking to people, stopped creating, and was generally unmotivated to do ANYTHING. I understand that every day won't be a great day and sometimes your motivation will take a dip...but I was going through week long stints...

One day, I woke up and decided that I was tired of being unmotivated. I was tired of feeling down. I was tired of living with my head in a fog. I was tired of just EXISTING and wanted to live again. It was hard...I won't lie. You start to get comfortable just existing, it almost seems easier. I think it is easier. It's so easy to be unhappy, to blame others for your lack of whatever. Being happy truly does take work. So one day, I woke up and decided to get to work.

First. I had to identify what was making me unhappy. What was missing or in my life that was preventing me from being my usual optimistic and joyous self.

Second. I had to share it with someone. It's one thing to admit something to yourself, but when you find the courage to admit it to someone else...then it really becomes real. Plus, they can help you identify some modifiers that you might not have thought of.

Third. I had to figure out what my life's mantra, my life's motto was. I heard some where that whatever you constantly say to yourself in your thoughts is what you are, what you are really about. I noticed that I would think to myself every day, "I want to create something. I want to be inspired to create something. I want to inspire other people, but how can I when I am not even inspiring myself?" The light bulb turned on.


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